Four Simple Ways to Say Goodbye
Brief goodbye practices for the global soul, adult TCKs, highly mobile individuals, location independent people or anyone in transition…
As the season of endings, beginnings, of graduations, of new school and jobs, packing up, or moving homes are upon us, how does one create brief moments of intentionality for our future selves to look back and say 'thanks for recognizing what this place, moment, or person meant'. This is a brief guide to saying goodbye with kindness to yourself.
Growing up in a transient international community in Thailand, nearly every summer brought a season of goodbyes to friends and ambiguous loss of not knowing when I might see them again. Because of that I held tightly to Tennyson’s words, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” to get me through my goodbyes. While these can be momentarily helpful they have come to feel also like a painful dismissal of how badly it feels to leave or be left someone, some place, or something. I choose now to practice honouring what my heart aches for with as much generosity and kindness I can muster, knowing my future self will thank my younger self for trying.
Here are 4 simple but intentional ways to say goodbye:
Wave ‘goodbye’: Space is sacred. If it was a place, land, or community that you grew in or experienced goodness in, honor the sacredness of the physical space. Literally wave and say ‘bye-bye.” Say “ bye-bye home, bye room, bye kitchen! Bye bye blue house! Bye bye Seattle!” Be as general or specific as you want. “Goodbye annoying cupboard that would never close tightly! Goodriddence step that I always tripped on. Goodbye gross-looking vanity. Goodbye sweet walls that witnessed my tears.”
If you have physically left already, close your eyes and imagine you are back in that space. Imagine walking through each room and waving goodbye.
Waving ‘bye-bye’ is a good one for littles too! If you are moving with kids, this can be a family activity that models to them that it is okay to give a little space for sadness, missing, and heartache.
Eat an orange. Or a fruit or a pastry or yummy treat. It can be arbitrary or a symbolic snack that honors the place or season. Taste, smell, touch, take in. Create a ritual around peeling this piece of fruit, unwrapping this snack. You are physically and metaphorically nourishing a part of you that might need pause. As you savour each bite, savour what you want to keep with you.
Light a candle. Simply light a candle, in your home or wherever you are. As you watch the wax melt, think about what has grown in you and what you will miss. Candles are often used in ceremony, church, temple, and other places that provide an ambiance of pause. That’s what we want to do here, even if it is for 30-seconds, pause.
Write a letter: Address a letter to the self you are leaving behind. What and who will you miss? What are you excited for? What are you dreading? What are you glad to be leaving? And/ or address a letter to your future self. What do you hope for them? If none of these feel fitting… That’s ok! Stack some rocks and trust them as waypoints.
I often feel idealistic about wanting to ‘say goodbye well’. For me, a recovering perfectionist, or as I like to call myself… an idealist, I have felt trapped by an expectation that there is a perfect way to say goodbye. To my dear perfectionists or idealists: this is not "How to say goodbye "well" or “perfectly”. Saying goodbye will look different to different people. If it feels too overwhelming to process everything right now that's okay. Honour where you are in this moment. Your future self will thank your younger self for pausing. Often transitions feel extremely chaotic, rushed, or insufficient. That’s okay too. These practices offer a brief ceremony that sustains our grief until we have capacity to face what was left.
What may follow... when you feel ready, when there is space and perhaps tears, laughter or even pride may emerge. This might be alone, with a loved one, or with a therapist.
Be gentle with yourselves, stay tender dear ones, as you bid farewell.